Amusing Macca stories to get him to #1 on charts

by **Chris Speers** » Sun Apr 07, 2002 12:42 am

Paul has maintained his artistic integrity and it has cost him in seeing his record sales dip dramatically to his artisitic horror.

What if Paulie gets hip and does a "Santana" and sells his artistic soul for pop gold?? The man has never denied that he is happiest when he is on top of the charts. Strategic alliance with Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder cemented this theory in the 80's. "You never give me your money".

McCartney gets a real cheeseball like Lou Pearlman from Backstreet Boys to manage him. McCartney makes a conscious effort to sell out to the record companies.

McCartney (analyzing himself in interview as he always does) So i said...Why not, Paul? What do i have to do to be number one.. Why can't i be a teen idol like the old days..I still fancy myself as a ladies man...I mean if i said i was pretty..(Fawning to the interviewer)..Would you hold it against me luv,???

Clive Davis: We were honored to sign Sir Paul ...and have him work with artists such as Back-Street boys, N-Synch, Alicia Keyes, and of course...P-Diddy.....

Lou Pearlman: Paul and the BEatles were the original N-Synch..

Paul appears wearing a beatle haircut and his Pierre Cardin suit from 1963 with the cuban boots on a stage in Las Vegas' "MGM GRAND" Ball-room. The only problem is that his face is heavily made-up and crusted age lines appear to make him seem like an aging hollywood starlet trying to appear young again. Paul gives a thumbs up to a cheering crowd as he grabs his hofner bass.

Four members of synch follow him out wearing mop-tops. The crowd goes crazy as Justing Timberlake is dressed exactly like a young John Lennon with a rickenbacker guitar with his legs spread apart. Girls swoon..

Paul: (grooving on bass to the opening chords)...1...2...3..4..."Well, she was just 17...you know what i mean...."...

Justin: And i held her hand...In...."mine"

Paul turns to Justin and they shout "Wooooo" as their Beatle haircuts shake up and down like they were on "Ready, Steady, Go" in 1963...
end scene..

Clive Davis: We felt a remake was ripe...so we asked Paul for a song...

Paul: I fancy myself as a song-writer...and i thought why not a re-make of "Another Day"...It's a good one, innit? Speaks of women's rights and stuff. I mean she works in an office waiting for the man to come and take her away..."

Paul in a studio with Christina Aguliera...

Christina Aguilera: (screaming at the top of her lungs)...So saaaadd....How come she feels so sad.....So sad.......

Paul looks over his shoulder with his boyish grin. Paul has now changed his hairstyle into braids and he is wearing a black leather jacket with black pants and a Tommy Hilfiger shirt.
(Admiring her assets)...

Paul: She can sing, boy...and she got booty....

Fade scene..

Clive Davis: I wanted Paul to meet Alicia Keyes...Who is as vital as oxygen to the future of the world of music...Alicia Keyes provides the nutrients that will enable man-kind to survive the tragedies of terorrism and horror that will haunt man-lind..

Paul: Oh, Alicia Keyes, well. What can you say, man?

Alicia Keyes: Paul ...I wanted to work with him for like so long..He is an inspiration to me. Although as a young street kid, i would never heard of him until two days ago when somebody told me he used to be in the Rolling Stones..

Paul stands next to Alicia Keyes on the piano with Clive Davis in the middle. Davis is lecturing Paul on his "Driving Rain" fiasco

Clive Davis: I told you...You should have come to me...First..We could have made a duet with P-Diddy on "Listen to what the man said" with rappers, models, booty, ..It would have been huge dog..

Paul: My bad..I thought P-Diddy was illin' with that Sgt. Booty's Lonely Heartclubs band idea..

Clive Davis: Ebony and Ivory - with you and Alicia will be a monster...

Alicia Keyes plays with her cornrows as Paul looks into space visualizing his picture on Billboard number one...

Alicia Keyes: "Side by side on my piano Keyboard..."

Next scene...

Paul with an armful of grammy's standing next to P-Diddy, Clive Davis, Alicia Keyes. The picture's caption reads "Sgt. Booty's Lonely HEarts club band" sweeps Grammy's for 62 year old Paul McCartney...

by **Chris Speers** » Sun Apr 07, 2002 12:42 am

Paul has maintained his artistic integrity and it has cost him in seeing his record sales dip dramatically to his artisitic horror.

What if Paulie gets hip and does a "Santana" and sells his artistic soul for pop gold?? The man has never denied that he is happiest when he is on top of the charts. Strategic alliance with Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder cemented this theory in the 80's. "You never give me your money".

McCartney gets a real cheeseball like Lou Pearlman from Backstreet Boys to manage him. McCartney makes a conscious effort to sell out to the record companies.

McCartney (analyzing himself in interview as he always does) So i said...Why not, Paul? What do i have to do to be number one.. Why can't i be a teen idol like the old days..I still fancy myself as a ladies man...I mean if i said i was pretty..(Fawning to the interviewer)..Would you hold it against me luv,???

Clive Davis: We were honored to sign Sir Paul ...and have him work with artists such as Back-Street boys, N-Synch, Alicia Keyes, and of course...P-Diddy.....

Lou Pearlman: Paul and the BEatles were the original N-Synch..

Paul appears wearing a beatle haircut and his Pierre Cardin suit from 1963 with the cuban boots on a stage in Las Vegas' "MGM GRAND" Ball-room. The only problem is that his face is heavily made-up and crusted age lines appear to make him seem like an aging hollywood starlet trying to appear young again. Paul gives a thumbs up to a cheering crowd as he grabs his hofner bass.

Four members of synch follow him out wearing mop-tops. The crowd goes crazy as Justing Timberlake is dressed exactly like a young John Lennon with a rickenbacker guitar with his legs spread apart. Girls swoon..

Paul: (grooving on bass to the opening chords)...1...2...3..4..."Well, she was just 17...you know what i mean...."...

Justin: And i held her hand...In...."mine"

Paul turns to Justin and they shout "Wooooo" as their Beatle haircuts shake up and down like they were on "Ready, Steady, Go" in 1963...
end scene..

Clive Davis: We felt a remake was ripe...so we asked Paul for a song...

Paul: I fancy myself as a song-writer...and i thought why not a re-make of "Another Day"...It's a good one, innit? Speaks of women's rights and stuff. I mean she works in an office waiting for the man to come and take her away..."

Paul in a studio with Christina Aguliera...

Christina Aguilera: (screaming at the top of her lungs)...So saaaadd....How come she feels so sad.....So sad.......

Paul looks over his shoulder with his boyish grin. Paul has now changed his hairstyle into braids and he is wearing a black leather jacket with black pants and a Tommy Hilfiger shirt.
(Admiring her assets)...

Paul: She can sing, boy...and she got booty....

Fade scene..

Clive Davis: I wanted Paul to meet Alicia Keyes...Who is as vital as oxygen to the future of the world of music...Alicia Keyes provides the nutrients that will enable man-kind to survive the tragedies of terorrism and horror that will haunt man-lind..

Paul: Oh, Alicia Keyes, well. What can you say, man?

Alicia Keyes: Paul ...I wanted to work with him for like so long..He is an inspiration to me. Although as a young street kid, i would never heard of him until two days ago when somebody told me he used to be in the Rolling Stones..

Paul stands next to Alicia Keyes on the piano with Clive Davis in the middle. Davis is lecturing Paul on his "Driving Rain" fiasco

Clive Davis: I told you...You should have come to me...First..We could have made a duet with P-Diddy on "Listen to what the man said" with rappers, models, booty, ..It would have been huge dog..

Paul: My bad..I thought P-Diddy was illin' with that Sgt. Booty's Lonely Heartclubs band idea..

Clive Davis: Ebony and Ivory - with you and Alicia will be a monster...

Alicia Keyes plays with her cornrows as Paul looks into space visualizing his picture on Billboard number one...

Alicia Keyes: "Side by side on my piano Keyboard..."

Next scene...

Paul with an armful of grammy's standing next to P-Diddy, Clive Davis, Alicia Keyes. The picture's caption reads "Sgt. Booty's Lonely HEarts club band" sweeps Grammy's for 62 year old Paul McCartney...

by **Mina** » Tue Apr 09, 2002 4:44 pm

Sounds like a nightmare to me!

by **megs** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 5:05 pm

hmmmmmm reading this for the 1st time, great stuff criss got a good laugh out of it. hmmmmmm were is criss anyway[8D]

by **Ram1** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 5:29 pm

Chris (criss) dissapears here and there, but usually drops in from time to time. Mina on the other hand, I guess we can add her to the Macca Forum Graveyard List. LOL

by **Ram1** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 5:29 pm

Crap, I hope she's not really dead. Then my joke would be in VERY poor taste!! LOL

by **Steve-o** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 6:43 pm

Mina was famous for being a bird who could not only talk, but type. Too bad about her passing, though.

is this how rumours get started? LOL

by **Ram1** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 6:50 pm

quote:is this how rumours get started? LOL

LOL! Possibly. I guess kinda like my joke that Rusty Anderson wears a wig made out of horse tail. Hope the press doesn't pick up on that. I was kidding, Rusty, honest! [:o)]

by **scrodfish256** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 7:22 pm

this thread reminded me of when paul anounced the winner at an awards show a couple of years back and he said, "the winner is lawrence hill"
instead of lauren hill. He had no clue who she was and it was hilarious cause she looked a little pissed off.

by **Ram1** » Thu Oct 17, 2002 7:27 pm

Yeah, I remember that, Scrod! It was the MTV Awards and Madonna shocked everybody by bringing Paul out. Actually, I think Paul did that on purpose, but nobody got the joke. He said "And the winner is...some guy named Lawrence Hill!" I've seen the clip a few times, and I firmly believe he was trying to make a joke. However, there was silence and only about two people laughed. I felt really sorry for him. It must have been pretty embarassing for him. Yeah, Lauryn did look kinda peeved. Either that or she was just confused. LOL