the difference between men and women...

[chris]

let's forget the obvious (the p and the v) for a moment. for this converstion, i am talking about one thing in particular. the distinct difference in the way we argue.

no one likes to argue with their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. but if you are in a relationship long enough, it is inevitable. on the whole, i have been fortunate in this area. my wife and i have had words, sure...but not very often. rarely, in fact. but when we do, it can be an adventure .

the source of the fight is irrelevent, again, for the sake of this conversation. when an argument ensues, voices are raised. points try to be made. and points can be ignored. everyone who gets in a fight/argument thinks they are in the right. and there always are two sides to every fight. let's acknowledge that. but what if the argument inevitably spirals out of control? what to do?

it is my experience, and i've spoke to numerous men and women about this, that there seems to be a pattern forming. when things start getting heavy/loud/angry...(and i am NOT talking about your run of the mill disagreement) the man wants to inevitably walk away and cool off before it spirals out of control. the woman, on the other hand would rather stay and fight to...and here is the key word here...resolve the issue. now, if said dude suggests they take some time off and let cooler heads prevail before talking, i will absolutely acknowledge that it is that man's duty to properly explain his intentions and why. if it is not properly explained, what the woman will get from this is...i don't hear you...i don't care what you have to say...and what you say isn't important to me.

i don't really favor arguling with the wife. in fact i hate it. and i'm going to go on the record and suggest the wife isn't exactly up for olympic arguing either. but why then...is it occasionaly insisted upon that the argument must go on just for the sake of resolvement? even at the risk that things will be said, by either side, in anger. things that can/may hurt someone we deeply care about?

i am not one to bring up past arguments...ever. and neither is my wife. which is why i think resolving an argument is both silly and unneccessary. but the ladies seem to disagree. i would much rather say...i think it sucks that we are arguing...and i'd really like to stop...can we just give each other a hug and forget all this nonsense?

sigh...what say you ladies and gents. am i right? am i wrong? and if so why? i know things like this can't be changed, and it is not my intention to do so...but a little bit of understanding might just shed a little light on an otherwise dark area.

[mr h atom]

i don't know, believe it or not, if i can even respond or add anything of real depth.

isn't that a first...right ?

the wife and i have never really fought or argued...we've had minor disagreements, who doesn't, but they've never got heated...ever.

certainly never called her any names that might prove to be...provacative...after all, she knows where the knives are kept !

even past girlfriends...lordy, wasn't that a long time ago...i never fought or argued with: i never saw the point; after all...i fully admit it..i wanted something from them, it wouldn't do any good to piss them off, right ?

i guess i should count myself very lucky...

part of this is that, i learned a very long time ago, that if you just find a way to agree with the woman without selling your soul, of course...it makes ...some things so much easier to attain

and i like other things ....so this has been pretty easy to do

the other thing is i've never really hung out with (or, in the past, dated) anyone who i didn't get to know first and pretty much like

but, i very much get your point about the differences in arguing...and i agree, wholeheartedly..if more men would react as you suggest, things would go alot smoother..

as for fixing things...i'm at a bit of a loss...i've found honesty is the best answer almost every time..and so far, it hasn't steered me too far wrong

we've all so often been brought up to believe that there has to be a winner...sometimes, if you both work hard at making it so, both can win...you just have to try real hard to meet in the middle...no winners...except for the both of you...after all, you are on the same team, right ?

[chris]

thanks for being candid...about an otherwise pretty personal thing...

i don't find sport in arguing with the better half. in fact i loath it. but once or twice a year...i even showed her the thread before i posted it.

sigh...

you know...i swear sometimes i am certain that you are the only one here that reads me. or gets me.

it's nice to know i have a kindred spirit here. too bad for you. now you're stuck with me

anyway, sir

[mr h atom]

did i ever mention that my dad is a huge yankees fan...BUT after the boys, he loves the cubs...so, i feel your pain

i also have three brothers, whom i love...but nothing is worse than your older brother tricking you into getting into the sleeping bag...than zippering it shut and ...passing gas too near my nasal orifice --- repeatedly --- for what seemed like...hours...

trust me, next to that, your a peach !

...no wonder i never send him a birthday card...

and it's been 40 years...i can't believe i said that out loud...

bartender, where's my whiskey

[james1985]

Haven't had a non-drunken humdinger of a row with Ms 1985, but definitely gone to 'cool off' when I've had little disagreements with her more than girlfriends from romance past. Maybe that's a sign??

I guess men have more of a tendency to say something nasty or that they don't mean in the heat of an argument, or women are more sensitive to stuff like that maybe??

[chris]

james, my brother! i can't tell you how glad i am to have you chime in. your sense of humor and good sense is missed in these parts. and i personally appeciate your opening up.

so very few of us take a look-see at the NPC...it's like PBS or NPR...(TMI?... too many initials?) it's almost as scarce as the "books" thread

anyway, glad to hear you boys are happily involved. i am too. just got in a fairly recent tiff. and what better am i at writing than what just happened to me?

hope to see more of you sir. and if you care to spill any of that drunken humdinger gossip... i know of an audience of at leat one...

[mr h atom]

y'know...when the wife and i do get to loggerheads..it's usually her who says stuff that might be a bit askew...more often than not, though, it is just something that is a bit too honest for the moment...

yet neither of us has ever called each other names...which i guess is a good thing..but it makes me worried, when i hear friends talk about thier ...moments...about how i'd react if either of us went overboard

thankfully, in real life, i'm a fairly even headed sort of guy....... ...

[chris]

Yeah...I don't call my wife names...even in anger. And she doesn't either. Even when I'm angry/frustrated with her...I don't forget that I actually sort of like her. I just don't like being angry at her. Most disagreements get solved amicably. But on the rare occasion one doesn't...it actually offends me to get mad at her...and when things head in that direction...I just want to sItop.

[mr h atom]

definately understand that...i guess that's why i capitualate...that and...well...y'know..

[mhnso]

Well I have to admit me and my lady once in a while have our arguments and rows but that is a part of life. Difference between men ad women - the obvious we males have a tendency to say what we think and also believe that when someone says something to us that is what the person really mean but..........my vast experience of women have taught me one thing. If she asks you - "I have put on some weight do you see it? - You are not supposed to say-"Yes love of course I noticed that". you are supposed to say exactley the opposite Learning that secret of communication is the secret to everything concerning men and women