core beliefs or our child's happiness?

[chris]

philosophical question of the day...

lets say one is fortunate enough to raise a family. we strive to teach our children our ideals, our morals. we let them know from day one what is right and what is wrong. some of the life lessons may also come from school and the church we choose to attend. our children inevitablely begin to think as we do. we become the blueprint for what and who are children are to become.

our children then grow up. they may or may not form independent thoughts. as they reach adulthood, they make their own choices and live by them. lets assume they then meet a special someone. not just anyone, but the perfect match. their soul mate. they have met the person they are destined to spend the rest of their lives with. but there is a catch...

your child comes home with the glorious news that they are engaged. but...the wedding will only happen if your child converts his/her religion to that of his/her fiance. your child is personally fine with this. all they want to do is be with their fiance. but they seek your advice. how would you respond?

do you deny your children's right to be happy and be with their one true soul mate by insisting they remain true to the religion you raised them with? or do you put your child's happiness first, and let them make their own decision? your opinion is very important to your kid. what do you do? when it comes down to it, do you stick with your own core beliefs, or do you put your child and their happiness ahead of yours?

***there are all sorts of varaibles we can (but won't) add to this...why can't the other kid change their religion? why can't they remain true to the way they were raised and each practice their own religion?...well, those are not options for this hypothetical story***

i look forward to your responses. thank you for your time.

[james1985]

For me, they're old enough to make their own decisions, so you let them go. If you look past the name of the thing you're supposed to believe in, mainstream religions teach broadly the same morals (be kind to others, etc), so it shouldn't be like they're going to be radically different people. If the child wants to do it, they should be allowed to make their own decision. People don't live their lives for the benefit of their parents.

[Mike]

You can lead by example, but once adults, they make their own decisions. I can't see myself forcing any of my kids, do this or else. All I could do is attempt to discuss with them the circumstances, are they being forced to covert or else it's over kinda thing. Why won't they respect your religion. I guess it would matter if the were just raised in the religion or do they actually practice it by attending church. I would also so something like you may regret this decision but if there is no alternative, I would not stand in their way. I would rather see my kids and possible grandkids during holidays, the alternative being, you very rarely see them if at all because of the rift.

[chris]

i'm glad you both responded...i brought up this purely hypothetical question at work...and was shocked at how many would have insisted their kids stayed with the religion they were raised with. far as i'm concerned, as they become adults...they can do what they want. and nothing i can think of would make me not love my kids anymore.

james...i agree that nearly all religions are almost the same. pity that so many have died and killed in the name of their god, though, huh?

[Lazarus_2]

I believe your child came to you for advice, not just to be told "do what you want, it's your life"
they were looking for advice, not nothing.

I would say, convert if that's what you really believe in these days...
If you don't believe in the religion, why are you converting to it,
to be with someone who won't accept you as you are and
to have to change a fundamental-belief system of your own
to have a future with this person?

I'd say, consider it from all angles,
does the end justify the means of acquisition?

In the end it's their decision whether they're happy to live a lie
or not.

For me the end does not justify the means of acquisition.

So, if that's what you believe, convert.
But know that I have no love for the actions of people
that believe the end justifies the means.

[chris]

i'm going to be honest...i'm not a particularly religious person. i used to be, i guess. but for reasons i will not get into...i am not now.

but if the woman who eventually was to become my wife asked me to convert, i would have. not because i believed the new religion was better...but because it would have allowed me to be with her, that it was important to her. i don't think religion would have become i bigger part of my life as it was. but making that little change...which i would have genuinely considered cosmetic...would have made my life better.

[james1985]

I'd like to think my response would be something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVMjJiTjgxU

[mr h atom]

i had an uncle who was stodgy like that..when his kids chose a path not to his liking, he pretty much excommunicated them: when he got hit upside the head with the big C, he began to rethink his position a little...
then alot.
he regretted not going to weddings...
not being there to see some of the grandkids be born and grow..
he got real a good bit before he passed, and made amends...
he died a happier person with all of his family back together...

my parents brought us up catholic, but, at our teen years, let us go to our friends churches: our friends all thought they were converting us; but the only conversion i and my siblings came away with was that god may be great and god may be good: but mankind is kinda dumb and stupid..and 'religion' (not god) is entirely a man-made entity..

when i see these idiots who let thier kids out of their lives because they are gay, or get involved with someone whos 'not the right type': i'm filled with a sadness AND an anger...these cretins clearly do not love their kids as much as they love themselves

my kids all know they always have a safe haven, they can date/marry who ever they want...and we'll always be there for them

philosphically speaking, tho: what if he/she were OF the same relgion...but clearly a violent, evil person...what then...?
i haven't been confronted with that one...and...i'm not so sure i could be at all rational