I was in this chatroom last night and i was talking about it. I rediscovered Tori Amos a few days ago..and..Id really like to share this story, if i may.
I started listening to Tori when i was getting over a very bad breakup from a romantic relationship that couldve been but never was. To really understand how i got to Tori and admired her, let me start by saying i'm a hardcore Beatlesfan (band & solo). I think if it werent for the events that took place in 1990 & 1991, i probely wouldve never appreciated Tori, as i do now. While I was going to the collage to get my diploma, I met a woman who's name was Anne and was 1 year and a half older than me. we started to hit it off. However i couldnt drive because of my eyes, so i could't really take her out on a date. But we would see each other at the collage and talk on the phone. This was the 1ST (and only)time ANY woman took an interest in me. I called her sometimes but she even called me alot and that NEVER happened before or since. At that time i was her only friend because she couldn't really go out much with no car available. Her mom picked her up one day and her mom took one look at me and told her NOT ever go out with me. She explained that it was her mom's "intuition", At the same time she wasnt getting on too well with her mom. the only way we could see each other was she would pick me up at the collage. She was a HUGE femimnist. She didnt believe that a woman should take care of the home barefoot & pregnant while the man went out and worked. And I thought "Hey, this could work well for me, with my "problem" or whatever it is, she could earn enough money and I would still have my Social Security. For the 1ST time I felt like i had it made. This girl really liked me and i didnt need no help from NOONE. When the Lubys tragedy happened, she said her & her mom almost went to Lubys that day in fact they were at the door when they changed thier minds and went somewhere else. (A guy drove his truck though the glass doors and shot & killed 23 people including himself.) When it happened she felt very afraid she said she wouldve been in the line at the time he came in. When she came to the collage and we went to the park she acted like she wanted to be more than friends. (Later she just said at the time she just felt "vulnerable" ) HOWEVER.....
When her mom found out, she didnt get mad, she got even. Anne's parents took her out to a social gathering of some sort and they introduced her to a man. Her and her mom was now gettin along. and her and the man started dating, then after a while she finelly said that our relationship was wrong, though fun, but wanted to end it, and said that she was only "humouring" me, ("give the baby his bottle" was the term she used) even though still shaken about the Lubys thing. I was VERY hurt and panicked, because in the back of my mind, I knew if the relationship did end, I would end up where im at now. living at home with my mom unable to get a job and be independant.. I went totally belistic and strange. when we met up the next time i wouldnt let her go, I sorta wanted to arouse the feeling we had on that day at the park. (just for the record, we NEVER had sex , im still a virgin to this day, in fact as i remember now when i kissed her she sorta resisted.) She sorta allowed it because from what she said later, she knew that this would be the only romantic experience Ill ever have. But she finelly said "no". She also hinted that she was seeing me out of rebelion against her mom. I'd rather have had she hate my guts than to have her as a casual aqaintence, knowing full well if hadn’t been for her mother’s prejudices, I would’ve had her (I don’t think I would’ve still had her now, looking back on it) So i did everything i could to make her hate me like ringing her phone then hanging up and other stuff i wont get into. For the next 2 years I would mumble and say to God "Its not fair!!, ITS NOT RIGHT!!!, This wasnt supposed 2 happen!"
But one night, i was crying, channelsurfing, and i ran into a world premier video of Tori Amos: "Silent All These Years". For some reason, still unknown to me to this day, i felt a strange calm, like someone was watching me, understanding me, but at the same time, giving me loving but firm talking to. I'm a Christian, and i believe at that moment God was using Tori. I bought the "Little Earthquakes" CD and it just seemed all came together for me. Whenever i started getting mopy about Anne, i just flip on the disc, and it would go away. But a while later it began to have the oppisette effect. like i was growing emotional immune to it. Then later on i pawned it. now i wish i hadnt.
Now i live in Cozumel, Mexico with my mom. My entire family who dont even get along with eachother has drilled in my head, if i ever tried to make it on my own, i would be dead in a month. I may be 39 physicly, but i only have the life experiance of a 13 year old. That little "fling" or what ever you wanna call it, was the only romantic experiance i ever had. Women looked me and see a child.
I forgot what Tori's music did for me until today, When i listened and downloaded 4 of her songs off "Little Earthquakes": "Crucify", "Silent All These Years", "Happy Phantom" and the title track. (ans yes, its all legal & paid for) and i cried when i heard "Silent All These Years" again. I got that same soothing feeling from it, when first heard it back in 1992.
Anyrate, try not to judge me too harsh.