ripley's believe it or not...

[chris]

in a bad economy, everybody suffers. qualified people, people with college degrees are being forced to settle for jobs they wouldn't ordinarily consider. and even then they are being turned away as 50 people are showing up for every job opening.

in seattle, the economy has been especially hard. a local advertisement appeared stating that someone is looking for landscapers. and the offered wage was great, $26 an hour. if you are willing to work hard, contact the foreman at this e-mail address and he will tell you how to go about applying for a job. many, many people did. they were instructed to show up on main street, right between the hardees burger joint and the local bank. precisely at 9AM on thursday. if they want to be considered for the job, they must be wearing blue jeans, a navy blue sweatshirt, a yellow work helmet, work boots, safety goggles and work gloves. anyone not dressed exactly as suggested will not be considered. and if the foreman was late, you are absolutely not to leave until he arrived.

hundreds showed up. one out of work young man, eager for an opportunity, wanted to show his enthusiasm by kneeling next to the hardees, and started pulling weeds. 9 AM came and went but the crowd was not deterred. at approximately 9:20 AM that morning, an armoured vehicle showed up in front of the bank. no one seemed to take much notice. the armed driver of the armoured car wheeled bags of cash into the bank. upon returning to the vehicle to get more cash, the earnest young man who showed such promise by pulling weeds next to the hardees, got up. he started walking toward the armour vehicle. as he reached the vehicle, its back doors swung wide open, he pulled a can of elephant mace out of his pocket and sprayed the driver right in the face. the onlookers were stunned. he grabbed as many bags of cash as he could possibly carry. and proceeded to take off between the two establishments, down the embankment, and into the uneven, grassy field to apparent safety and freedom.

those that were there had seen everything. not one of the potential employees had left with high hopes they would be receiving a paying job. even if it was only for one day. the local police showed up and started asking questions. it was odd, at first, what the cops were hearing from the witnesses. but it didn't take long to figure it out. the perpetrator, as described to them, looked and dressed exactly the same as the approximately 220 witnesses. it was chaos involving hundreds of people. a serious crime in which the armoured car driver was sent to the hospital due to his injuries. and more than $300,000 turned up stolen.

no one was ever found for this crime. it is still pending investigation.

[mr h atom]

except for that fact that this is not April...i'd have to wonder....

audacious, cruel, sad

[chris]

a well off american couple decides to go on a short vacation. the man worked from home and the woman was a lawyer. they discussed a few destinations before finally deciding on jamaica. winter was approaching and they thought of no better way to welcome the new frigid season. they arrived without any complications. and it was everything they hoped it would be. quiet sandy beaches and calm surf welcomed them with open arms.

since they had not done much vacationing, they decided to get everything in that they could. they para-sailed, they scuba dived, they cruised the ocean blue while watching dolphins, and they enjoyed icy cocktails filled with all sorts of spiced rum. quite frankly, they were enjoying what some may refer to as heaven.

after a walk on a private beach one afternoon, they walked back to their hotel suite. upon entering they couldn't help but notice it was ransacked, their belongings were tossed all about the room. they were shocked. and they were scared. they instinctively checked the hotel safe and noticed that it hadn't been touched. relieved, they phoned hotel security. security showed up immediately, had a peek around and then phoned the local police. the couple was visibly shaken when the cops arrived. what was missing, the police asked. up till that point, it hadn't occurred to them to look. they were concerned for their safety. they were concerned for each other. but they did look. and oddly...nothing was missing. the laptop was still there. the expensive jewelry was still there. so was their camera. she was especially proud of that camera because it was an older model that used film. the resort was embarrassed about what happened. so they comped the couple’s entire stay. maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

no fingerprints out of the ordinary were found by the police. probably just a few local kids having fun, they were told. you can file a report, the police told them, but without anything actually turning up missing, they weren't sure they would ever catch the people who had done it. so after the police left, the couple had a heart to heart conversation. what to do? we can wrap up the whole trip now and head home. or...we can make the best out of a bad situation and try to have a decent time in spite of what just happened.

they decided to stay. they worked hard back home. and this was their vacation. no one, let alone what was probably just a couple of kids, were going to ruin the vacation they had saved so long for. so they did just that. they swam. they lay on the sandy beaches. they walked hand in hand in the early morning rolling waves. and they drank a lot more than they ordinarily would have. by the time it was time to pack up and go, they had nearly forgotten about the brief interruption.

they arrived back at home and returned to their normal lives. each to his own hard working job. two weeks had gone by, and they were back in the daily grind. then, one day, the wife calls the husband at work, clearly in a panic. too shaken up to even state what was upsetting her. just stay home, i'll show you when i get there. the husband sat on the couch worried. his wife arrived, with a couple of bags of groceries and some photos from their trip. they sat, horrified as they flipped thru the vacation's photos, one by one. picture after picture, the 4 rastafarians that had turned the couple's resort suite upside down had taken turns photographing themselves and each other with the couple's tooth brushes shoved up their sphincters. the same toothbrushes that the couple had been using for the last three weeks.

no one was ever found for this crime.

[mr h atom]

i was waiting for the maguffin...figured since the hotel comped them, they'd get home to find they'd been victims of identity theft...that everything that they thought they might have had, and more, was gone...

even gave minor thought to the idea that someone'd put cameras all over and maybe they'd had a little too much to drink, and everyone back home, thanks to youtube, knew it...

but that...?

holy sh!t

bet that'd never happen in cuba....